August 5

Well it is a big day today. Today we meet with the folks at Paradise for an official interview. This is exciting and yet, well I don't know how to describe it, I worry/wonder about how this will work with the family times. I am sure that if God wants this to work out He will certainly work out those details too. I wonder what the girls are going to do. We can have Willow but she has to be an outside dog (which I am not a fan of). This could be a good thing for the girls to be able to maybe find a place of their own but we will see.

It is strange to that we don't have the Rondo anymore. I have never have that happen before but for some strange feeling I feel like a big burden has been lifted.

God, today I ask for peace. Peace for our family at home, peace for our kids family and peace in our souls. We want your will to be done in the Paradise opportunity and it all of our lives. Father I ask for guidance and help with Kylie's school bill. You have already done amazing work!! And I am so very thankful for that. Thank you for loving us when we are not what we should be. Thank you for giving us grace and for giving it so freely.

Monday August 2, 2010

We had a good weekend with family! Did some shopping at Anderson on Saturday then we had dinner at Bethany's on Sunday. Good time was had by all.

Still haven't gotten paid yet. Waiting to see if anyone shows up here at work.

As I continue to struggle through all of this I have to trust that God has a plan and He is still there. Money as always is tight but it is tighter more so now then ever before and it has been like this for quite some time now. I have mixed feelings about the Paradise position. I know financially it will be a huge blessing. I just don't know if my heart is in it for the right reasons. That is part of my prayer is that God will show us the way we should go.

God,

Today I thank you for all you have done for us. For the health we have had, for the safety, for the joy, for the excitement of seeing our grandsons and for your continued direction and guidance. Father I ask that today will be a good day. That you will be glorified. That there will be a peace on us all because we know that you are in control. Please bless us financially today so that this stress can be taken off of us. We love you Father and we thank you.

Big Decisons

During the past nine months I have experienced more roller coaster rides then I have experienced during my entire existence. There were times of elation and joy and times of despair and deep sadness. To have our whole world turned upside down at a point in our lives when life should be easier, when the hard work of previous years was paying off and the stresses of life were going to be less and less.

Apparently God had something else in mind and not just for me but I think for the whole family. During these past nine months we have had to draw closer to one another in many different ways and that has helped us become closer as a family. We are still far from perfect but I can see where God is working and that is worth the difficult times. To see our children get closer to God even to get angry with God shows me that they are aware of Him and what He can do.

Nine months without work. That is a really long time. It helped me have a greater appreciation for the women who are pregnant! I didn't have morning sickness but I did have a heart sickness where my heart was hard and cold. But even in those dark times I knew that God was working and that was the one glimmer of hope. That was all I needed.

So here we are today. Considering whether this ministry opportunity to work with college age missionary kids is where God wants us to be. Considering employment options. These are exciting times to be sure and we really don't know what the future holds but I do know this. That God loves us. That He wants us to have a full life in Him. That He is the same God who provided for us during those nine months and He is not going to change.

What else is there to know?!

New challenge, New Directions, New Focus

I knew that the day was coming. I kind of knew the day it was going to happen. October 6th, after a little more then 9 years at the St. Pete Times, my career there was over. Part of a major layoff that impacted 5 other IT folks as well as many others in various departments.

As I drove home that day I felt a sense of peace and that a huge burden was lifted. I felt that the future would be bright and that we would be in a better place because of this.

Well here it is 3+ months later. We are in a better place physically for sure. God opened the doors for us to move to be closer to our family. I don't have as much peace about things like I did before and the burden that was lifted in October is back and even heavier then before. Now the burden is how are we going to pay for.... How are we going to be able to go to Senegal in March? How... (you can fill in the blanks).

I decided today (finally right) that I needed to have a serious time in the Word and prayer today. As I was trying to figure out where to start reading God led me to Matthew 6 and the section on not to worry. It is so much more easier to say not to worry when things are going well. When you have a job, when most of the bills are being paid, when life is just life. But now telling me not to worry is like telling a bird not to fly. But after reading and praying I know that I am going to worry but I also know that God is working and that I need to look for the answers to prayer that He has already given and rejoice in that! For example during this move no one got hurt or injured, that a house was basically given to us without the usual hoops, that God has kept us in a pretty good state of mind and that we are right where God wants us to be.

This is a faith testing time for sure. Who knows what the future holds but I have to keep on reminding myself that God has us going through this for a reason. I just pray that I figure out the reason soon :)

Letting God be God

As we go through this series of changes in our lives I am finding out that I am not letting God be God.

A little background may help.

I was laid off from my job in October. I had worked there a little over 9 years. I was good at what I did and I was respected by my peers. So why was I laid off? Because God has a plan. Pure and simple. God knows the desires of our hearts and, as I am starting to see, sometimes those desires mean that there may be some changes needed in our lives. My desire was to be closer to our kids and the grandkids. Not a desire that involved making more money or buying more stuff. A very pure desire. Before working at the paper I worked at another paper for almost 11 years. Getting that job was a great answer to God but it came after we lost everything. We lost our home, our car, our pride and our selves. God needed us to get to that point before He could work. I finally let be God be God. I stopped taking charge of finding a job on my own strength and let God.

So after almost 20 years of having a secure position and making good money God has allowed that to be taken away. But He has given us in its place the opportunity to have the desire of our hearts and allow us to be closer to the kids. He has exceed that desire and made it so that we can be in the same town as one of our kids! Wow that was unexpected but God knows us, He knows what brings joy to our hearts and a smile to our face. I need to remember this. Remember that God gave us the desire of our hearts and more.

In a few weeks we will be leaving the place we have called home for over 26 years. Four of our kids were born here. All of them had the same kindergarten teacher. They learned to play soccer and baseball here. They went to AWANA and learned verses and won awards here. They made their own friends that are still friends today. We have been at the same Church for almost 26 years. We have seen our Church grow from 50 on a good Sunday morning to over 350. We have seen our pastors kids grow up. We have seen the kids in our youth group grow from little kids who needed us to keep them alive to adults who are married and have their own children. How crazy is that! Bittersweet.

But if I let God be God then I know that the future can only be exactly what God wants it to be. I am not worried about a "position". I am not worried about what others may think. Why not? Because I am going to let God be God. I am going to let Him show me the things in my life that I need to fix. I am going to allow God to make me a better husband, a better father and more importantly, a better man of God. Not going to be easy I know. I know that there may be some hard times or things to deal with but I know, I know, that God is God. I know that He never changes. I know that he sacrifices His ONLY SON for me. I wouldn't even consider it. He didn't even hesitate. He loves me that much. So why wouldn't He want the very best for me. Why wouldn't He want me to enjoy as much joy as I can.

Today I begin letting God be God. Today I am going to be a better follower of Christ.

Leaving a legacy

As I get older and I realize more and more that the opportunity window is getting smaller the word legacy becomes more important. Legacy. Leaving something that makes the future better. This weekend I was able to see what that means.

We had 18 people crammed in our house this past weekend. Eleven adults and seven small boys. For the most part adults who love the Lord and who call Him their Saviour. Because of those adults seven young and tender hearts will have the opportunity to follow Christ and to change the world for good. Imagine if one of those seven boys is the one who leads the last person to Christ that will usher in the return of Christ! That is a legacy. That is a blessing.

In today's society it is all about me and what I can get out of it. TV shows promote getting all you can get out of life, watch out for number one, and stepping on others to get what you want. This is today's society. But what I witnessed was a deep compassion and love for one another. I saw little boys playing and being boys but I also saw tears fall when someone was hurt or the look of disappointment when one of these young men disobeyed.

In the eyes of these little ones I can see a strong hope for the future. I can see men willing to take the tough stand for the right things. I can see men willing to go and do what Christ calls them to do. I see a legacy.

We are blessed and encouraged.

Emotions and Challenges

I have really been struggling the last few days with emotions. It seems like they are just at the surface an at any moment will bust out like flood of water being released from a dam. Like yesterday I was driving home from work and there was this song on the radio about a guy who met this girl and her smile took his breath away and then the song continues about their life together until the end when she is in the hospital and it may be her last night. And he is laying in bed with her holding her hand and the song goes back to how when they met and her smile took his breath away. Man the tears were just flowing. Then I get home and everyone leaves and the tears started again. What is the deal!!??

It seems that I am realizing that life is changing again. But am I changing? If so am I changing for the good or the bad? I know that I am on the other side of the hill and gravity is pulling me faster down the hill then I want. I am seeing that I need to make some decisions about how I want to spend the remaining time I have left. I want my wife to be proud of the life I have lived. I want my kids to see a man that loved his wife and kids with a deep unchanging live. I want my grandkids to see a Papi that was fun but more important I want them to see a Papi that loves and lives Christ. Yea I got some work to do.

I am blessed beyond far more than I could ever deserve.